11/3/13 Mike & Michelle Robbins
Creating Spiritual Relationships
AUTHENTICITY is the first tool for developing spiritual relationships which deepen our own spirituality. It can’t be rehearsed. It’s a phenomenon; it’s right now. It’s not authentic to be afraid to ask for what we need or want and expect others to know. Gay Hendricks, Conscious Loving: most conflict is 2 people or groups arguing for the victim position. In any argument or conflict it only takes one person to say something that is undeniably vulnerable, and it is always something emotional and authentic, like what they feel right now or why. So most conflict can be resolved with only one ten minute “sweaty palms conversation”, when you use your Emotional Intelligence—how do I feel, what do I need? —and your Relationship Intelligence, which is learning how state what you need, and ask what you need to do. It’s like you were learning to dance with a partner.
The second tool is APPRECIATION. Ask “How can I support you?” “What do you need?” “Is there something I missed?” It’s also about the spiritual relationship we have with ourselves. Would you appreciate a little more appreciation? Ask for more. “I would like to be acknowledged.” Sometimes it’s, “I need some space.” And when someone expresses appreciation for you, say, “Thank you.” Really receive it. It’s a gift. Any other reply, even countering with another compliment, does not allow appreciation, nor is it authentic.
In the moment, things often don’t look the way we thought. It isn’t so easy. But to never have conflict means someone is lying. That’s the challenge. However. the more authenticity and appreciation in spiritual relationships with others, the deeper is our own spirituality. Mike was explaining to his young daughter about when, as a young man, he had started a very promising professional baseball career but lost it when he broke his arm. Answering her innocent question as honestly as he could, he said that now he wasn’t sad about it, because then he would never have met her mom and they wouldn’t have her. He said he was actually grateful for it. Realizing it all had led him to his beautiful wife and daughters, he was overwhelmed and moved to tears of deep appreciation. Truth, honesty, vulnerability. Authenticity. Appreciation. Trust that there is a greater intelligence and that things work out the way they should!